Where's Waldo: Thai Style

This week was a great week with the kids.  One night I was out and saw one of the boys that I work with for the first time in over a week.  Of the kids that I work with, he's one that I really look out for. When I first met him he wore the same outfit everyday and didn't always have shoes.  We were able to provide new clothes and shoes for him during Project: Christmas Warmth. I know that his home life is extremely difficult, and basic needs are not always met for him.  Two weeks ago when I saw him he didn't have shoes again.  I asked him what happened and he just kept telling me he didn't have shoes anymore.  He asked if I would get him flip flops, and I promised I would.  I carried flip flops everyday for a week and would go out looking for him at night, but couldn't find him.  So when I saw him last week I was overjoyed - until I realized I forgot his shoes at home.

He had brought a friend with him and asked if I would buy shoes for him as well.   I had seen this kid frequently around the city selling flowers, but had never been able to connect with him.  I agreed to buy him shoes, and he made me pinky promise that I would bring both of their shoes the following night.

I pinky promised three times, and you can't break a pinky promise.

As I was driving home that night I realized that these kids really trust me. They're bringing their friends to me who are in need, because they know that I'll follow through.

I went home and got his flip flops hoping that I would be able to find him that night so he wouldn't have to go another day without shoes.   As I went back out I realized that my job here is like a giant game of Where's Waldo - except Waldo is disguised as a little kid selling flowers.  I drive all over the city looking for my kids selling flowers in bars and restaurants hoping that I will be able to find them and make sure they've been able to eat dinner.  And that they have things like shoes.  I didn't find Waldo that night - but knew with three pinky promises I would see him the next day.

The following night I sat waiting for the kids with two new pair of shoes.  First I saw the new kid.  I gave him his shoes, and he thanked me with a huge grin on his face.  He went to find my other kid and he came back and sat next to me, looked up and asked if I had his shoes.  I said yes, and handed them to him and he put them on with a huge smile.  They fit perfectly, and he didn't have to walk around with no shoes anymore.

We played games for hours that night.  Checkers. Angry birds. We drew, and read books... When it was time for them to go we said goodbye and walked down the street.  We saw the sister of one of the kids and I asked if she had eaten dinner.  She said no, only candy.  So I was able to buy her and her brother dinner.  On our way back to the bike I saw two more of my kids.  We talked for a minute and laughed, and then I drove home.

These kids are what makes it worth it.  Playing Where's Waldo can be frustrating day after day. And exhausting. But when I find them sitting at a booth in a restaurant resting,  riding a bike along the moat, or walking by the boxing ring - it's always worth it.  Even if it takes me days of searching for them, it's always worth it.

Merriest of Christmas'

I’m sitting on my couch just before 6am on Christmas Eve.  It’s still dark outside, and I can hear the roosters crowing behind the house. There is no snow.  We had to search for several days to find candy canes.  I can hear a gecko chirping on the porch, and smell incense burning in a buddhist spirit house next door.

Christmas in Thailand is quite different from Christmas at home.

I’ve been challenged this week to think; Why do I celebrate Christmas?  It doesn’t really feel like the Christmas season here.  No ugly Christmas sweater parties, or cookie exchanges.  No pictures with Santa, or candlelight services.  No Christmas lights, or snowfall.  I FaceTimed with my family when they got together for Christmas - my grandparents, mom, 7 aunts and uncles, and 8 cousins. I waved, said hi, and couldn’t join in on many of the other festivities for the day. But none of that REALLY has anything to do with Christmas.  It’s great to have pretty decorations and get together with family and friends - but celebrating Christmas is much more than that.

Christmas at home is my favorite time of the year.  Not so much because of all of the parties - I just love the atmosphere. I love snow, and cold weather, and how everything seems to sparkle.  Snow in the sunlight, Christmas trees, and lights as you drive at night.  It seems cliche - but people really are nicer around the holidays.  There’s just a spirit of giving and joy.  

I’ve spent a lot of time this week thinking about Christmas. It’s about celebrating the birth of Jesus.  The birth of our literal savior.  The one who left heaven -  and came to a place full of sin so that He could save each of us.  His life here on earth was a complete sacrifice.  But He willingly died on the cross so that we could have a relationship with God, and our sin would be forgiven.

Thinking through that has given me renewed perspective working with the kids.  I’ve had a much more thankful spirit, because I realize that I know Jesus. I’m not only thankful that I know Him, but that I have the chance to display characteristics of Him to these kids. It’s not just about making them smile, that’s just a perk :) 

This Christmas, I think more than ever, what I’m most looking forward to is celebrating with a truly thankful heart the sacrifice that Jesus made by coming to earth.  Celebrating the obedience and open hearts of Mary and Joseph, and taking time to acknowledge what Jesus really did for us. There may not be snow, or a myriad of Christmas cookies... And I really miss my friends and family - but that doesn’t take the joy out of Christmas.

I was talking to my roommate the other day, recounting the events of the week.  Both of us were laughing to the point of tears at the irony.  As I was driving home from a friends Christmas party on Saturday I couldn’t help but laugh to myself.  My bike had a flat tire, I had lice,  and a head cold.  Merry Christmas!  

But the best part was - I didn’t really care.  There was not part of me that was in a bad mood.  I wasn’t annoyed, or frustrated.  I was tired.... But not unhappy, and honestly think that it was because none of that could take away from what I knew I was really celebrating.  I feel like any one of those things individually could have ruined my day a few weeks ago.  But for now I’m just enjoying Christmas in Thailand, and EVERYTHING it brings my way ;)

Merry Christmas to you all!

Heartbreak and Hope

This week has been an enlightening week with the kids. When I say enlightening, I don’t mean easy.  Early in the week I went out to work with them, as I normally do.  It was the night before my good friend Bethsaida was heading back home to the US. She had spent the last year working with the kids as well so she came out to say her goodbyes before going home. Her and I both have names that are difficult for the kids to pronounce, to make it easier for them we just gave ourselves Thai names.  In Thai culture as a sign of respect, if you’re talking to someone older than you, you say ‘P’ before their name.  So the kids call Bethsaida P’Yim (Yim means smile) and they call me P’Joy. 

A girl came up whom I hadn’t met before, and she had no interest in sitting with me. “P’Yim... She here?” She asked me.
“Chay kha” (Yes) and I motioned down the street.  As she headed down the street, the mom who was there told me it was one of the kids sisters and I didn’t see her again the rest of the night.

After working with the kids a group of my friends got together and headed out to a favorite karaoke spot at a Mexican restaurant in the city.  In celebration of Bethsaida’s last night we were going to sing the night away.  A group of 8 of us met up at Loco Elvis (Yes. The Mexican restaurant in Thailand with karaoke is called Loco Elvis.  Doesn’t that automatically make it awesome?) We took karaoke by storm complete with backup dancers, and laughed through the night.  

The girls belting out Spice Girls 'Wannabe'

Bethsaida singing a Motown hit with her backup dancers aka myself, Lindsey, and Briggs.

A little after midnight we saw one of our kids come up to the table next us to sell flowers.  When the couple insisted they didn’t want flowers, our kid pulled condoms out of his pocket and tried to sell those instead.  

It was instant heart break seeing this little kid, whom I’ve grown to love, be out at such a late hour selling condoms to strangers.  He saw us after leaving that table and came and sat with us talking with Bethsaida before he left.  She looked at me as he walked away and said he told her the cat had stolen his shoe laces, and his sweatshirt was to big to wear - so despite Project:Christmas Warmth this little guy was still cold on the streets.  It was his sister who had come by me earlier as well.  She had found Bethsaida and asked if we would get her some long sleeve shirts and shoes.  It was fun being out with friends - but that encounter had, had an impact far deeper than laughing and singing with friends was going to fill in that moment.

The next day Bethsaida left for the US.  That was a goodbye that I really, really did not like.  I’m so grateful for the insight she gave me in working with the kids.  We’ve had a lot of fun the last few months laughing, eating awesome food, and laughing more. Watching her interact with the kids has been inspiring.  Seeing the depth of her heart and steadfast display of Jesus’ love for them.  Knowing that she came into working with these kids by herself, not knowing the language but just being committed... That gave me the confidence to keep going.  Being able to see how much each of the kids loves her.  Really, really loves her. For the first several weeks I was here, if Bethsaida wasn’t out with me - they had no interest in staying.  I’m so thankful that she was willing to go out with me and introduce me to the kids so that now that she’s gone I can continue the work that she was doing because of the awesome groundwork she laid.  

It makes my heart happy to know that my friend is following God and in a place that she really loves right now, and I am holding tightly to the fact that really it’s not about Bethsaida being here, or me being here... It’s about the kids experiencing God.  Bethsaida fulfilled the time God called her here to do that, and brought me in to continue it. Last night I realized that it’s going to be ok.  I miss my friend, but I can do this.   
Lately three of the four of us that live in my house have had trouble sleeping at night.  We don’t fall asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning a lot of the time.  So last night we figured if we can’t sleep - might as well dance.  While we were out dancing we saw one kid I work with in the slums who was selling flowers. I had never seen him out selling before, but he spent time with my friends and I.  My friend bought him dinner, and I was able to tell him that if he was selling flowers on Tuesday I would be there and we could study english, and read if he wanted.  That was a pretty big step for me - because I was able to explain that all in Thai without anyone translating for me.  He smiled and nodded that he understood.

An hour later I looked up to see the boy who had been in Loco Elvis with us.  Earlier last night I had found him and was able to give him the gift for his sister - a sweatshirt, shoes, tshirt, and backpack - and I was also able to get him a sweatshirt that fit, and shoelaces so he could wear his shoes.

Shortly after I saw his sister walk up in her sweatshirt.  
She got a huge grin on her face and said,
“You P’Joy right?”  I nodded my head and smiled. “P’Yim tell you?” She asked pointing at her new sweatshirt that she was wearing.  
“Chay (yes) kha” I answered “Chop may kha?” (Do you like it?)
“Chop (I like it)” she answered back smiling.  “You tell P’Yim thank you,” I assured her I would.
“Gin leaw may kha?” (Did you eat already?) She shook her head no.
“Ow gin may kha?” (Do you want food?) She smiled and nodded yes.

We got in line to get sandwiches and she asked if I would get one for her brother as well.  After she got their food she smiled and waved as she walked off.  On the way back to our bike my friend and I saw the kids eating their dinner.  The little boy walked up and said thank you for his sandwich and gave me a hug and then went back and sat down.  As much as my heart breaks each time I see them out - each one of those kids are worth it.  

Some days feel hopeless - like when you see a 9 year old kid selling condoms to strangers on the street.  It feels like there’s nothing you can do.  And some days there’s a realization that everything is going to be ok, because I’m not supposed to fix this entire problem myself.  I just need to display the love of Jesus.  And if I can do that by making sure these kids have warm clothes, making sure they eat dinner, and have a safe place to sit and play a few nights a week... It’s not hopeless.  

A huge thank you to Bethsaida for standing up for these kids when she saw the need.  For displaying the love of Jesus, and proving to each of these kids that there are people who love them and can be trusted.  For being Jesus in the lives of these kids even when it seemed hard, or hopeless. And for connecting me with them and being my friend before she going home. 

These kids are going to understand their worth, and that they are loved.  Jesus is always faithful to reveal Himself - and I’m willing to be the next in line to display his love for them in the red light.

It's a Heart Issue

Do you ever have those weeks that you feel you're learning more than you're accomplishing?  This last week and a half has been just that for me.  I feel as if I'm taking in far more than I am giving out - but being quite exhausted by it.  By taking in I mean, learning lessons.  And some of those lessons have been...

Hard.
Difficult.
Draining.
Heart Breaking.
Lessons.

I finally began to lay those lessons down on Sunday and just allow God to speak.  Not take anything on, just listening.  As He spoke, he was telling me a couple of things.  He was reminding me of what He had previously spoken through Isaiah 41 and also reminding me that He is enough.  As I thought through what He was telling me I was thinking about the difference between obedience, and willingness.  We can be obedient without being willing.  Willingness is a heart issue.

As I looked back at the last month and a half I saw that I walked out in obedience in what He was asking me to do here.  I went to work with kids when He asked me to work with kids.  I went to the cafe when He asked me to go to the cafe.  I talked when He asked me to talk.  I rested when He asked me to rest. But rarely was my heart willing.  I may have had moments of enjoyment, but few moments of joy.  As I thought about willingness I realized that there are going to be a lot of things that are going to effect my feelings here.  Things that I was going to see, and hear, and miss about home that may make me FEEL sad, or heavy, or... anything that wasn't joy. 

As I was reading this week I read Romans 12:1.  I've read Romans 12 several times, but I don't think that I've ever really noticed what the first sentence said.  "Love must be sincere".  And then I realized that sincerity and willingness go together.  When there's no willingness you can't be sincere.  But a true willingness - which I believe means surrendering our own motives and heart - creates sincerity. But even within that, if I don't feel willing... how do I love the people here? And then I remembered 1 John 4:8 "...God is love".  He doesn't display love.  He doesn't give love to us.  I mean - He does those things... But He IS love.  So really what do I have to do?

Surrender myself, my all of me - and let God love.

It's a heart issue.

Project: Christmas Warmth

The last couple of weeks here in Thailand have been busy.  A lot of changes, and transitions, and things happening.  

November 18 my friend, Lindsey arrived from Arkansas.  She will be living in Thailand with me until September.  It's so wonderful to have a friend here.  A person to laugh with, and work with, and adventure with.  Lindsey and I both worked with YWAM in Oxford, New Zealand.  I was in Oxford in 2006 and the beginning of 2007, Lindsey was there 2007-2009.  So although we've been in contact for 4 years, this is our first time working together.  It's been great and I'm excited she's here for the year!

We also had a World Race team living with us for the month of November.  The squad was split into smaller teams to work with the different ministries of Lighthouse in Action.  I had one girl who came out with me to the red light district a few nights a week to work with the kids.  Hannah and I would teach english, play games, and sing with the kids.  It was such a fun month! I was blessed to have a person working with me that was just as crazy, and fun as I am! And she connected with the kids so well!

This past month has been focused on connecting with the kids.  I have been told that last year in the red light district there were upwards of 20 kids that sold flowers in the streets every night.  The past month I've never seen more than 3 or 4 in one night.  Because of this we've gotten to connect with each kid much more.  We know what each of them like to do.  We've been able to work with them one on one and really get to know them.  This turned out to be a huge blessing as we prepared for Project: Christmas Warmth.

Project: Christmas Warmth was started in 2011 by my friend, Bethsaida.  She saw needs the kids had, and she prayed that God would provide to meet those needs - and He did! Nights in Thai winters get very cold - as cold as 30 degrees fahrenheit.  Many of the kids selling flowers in the street don't have warm clothes, or adequate shoes.  With donations from people at home we were able to raise enough money to bless each of the kids that we've been working with, with GOOD quality gifts.  For each of the kids we were able to get nice warm shoes, jeans, track pants, t-shirts, hoodies, backpacks, a toy, and for each kid something they enjoy.  Whether it was a book, sketchbooks, clay, crayons, notebooks - just something that they love.  

A couple of days ago we went to the red light to hand the gifts out to the kids.  They were so excited! Later in the night we saw one of the boys and he had already put on his new shoes.  He reminded us with a smile that we didn't get him socks, and asked if we would bring him some so his shoes wouldn't smell bad.

I have socks in my backpack to hand out tonight :)

If you would like to see the video we put together of Project: Christmas Warmth 2012 you may click here.

It was great to see that just by spending some quality time with each of the kids every week I've been able to connect with them and know each of their personalities.  And my Thai is getting a little better - I can even have simple conversations with them now :)

Thank you each for your encouragement, support, and willingness to stay connected! 

Seeking Perspective

I’m already entering week three of this giant adventure.  This last week has been more difficult than the previous. I was sick for several days with a head cold.  A head cold with vengeance... 48 hours of not getting out of bed, and close to a week of not leaving the house.  It left me feeling a bit disconnected from the work I have to do here.  Along with feeling disconnected from my work here, I was also feeling a bit disconnected from home.  The time difference along with not feeling well, and busy schedules made it difficult to connect with friends or family for several days.  I found myself in my house in Chiang Mai sick, lonely, and struggling to keep perspective.  

It’s moments like this it would be wonderful to say, “God squashed all discouragement I was feeling and I spent the week full of His joy.”  But instead I allowed myself to get in my head a bit.  If any of you watched the video I posted on my YouTube channel ‘Questions and Answers’, a friend of mine asked: 

“What is something you and God are still working on as you get ready to go.”

My Answer:

“Working on me trusting totally in Him, and not trying to think through everything in my head because thinking about what I’m doing can be really overwhelming and make me feel like I’m not ready.  But in the small moments when I DO trust totally in Him I know that it’s going to be ok... So just living completely in faith and not thinking to much about what I’m doing”

I’m still working on it.  This past week was a week I can learn from.  I tried to think to much through what I’m doing.  I tried to figure it out.  And do you know what trying to figure everything out accomplished?  Nothing.  It just caused me to feel anxiety.  Because I couldn’t figure it out!  And I couldn’t figure it out, because I’m realizing that God wants to work through this His own way  - which isn’t logical.  I want to understand the timing, and the finances, and the details.  

He wants me to listen to His still small voice and be obedient one step at a time.

It’s realizing that victory here looks different from victory at home.  It’s realizing that He didn’t ask me to sell everything I own to stay away for only a couple of months.  It’s realizing that He didn’t call me into a season of faith, so that He could see me struggle.  It’s realizing that He’s faithful, and if He’s asking me to living financially by faith that He’s going to provide.  It’s realizing that when things seem hard, I need to seek Him and not try to figure it out on my own.  It’s realizing that going to the market and have a short simple conversation in Thai, and bringing food back home is successful. It’s realizing that it’s ok to celebrate those success’ as insignificant as they may seem!

And most of those were not great epiphanies in the night.  They weren’t me overcoming fear, or discouragement in a single moment.  They were reminders, encouragements, and wise words from friends.  They were seeking scripture and reading Truth.

Last night I was finally able to go back to the red light district to work with the kids for the first time in almost a week.  As I sat across from a little 6 year old girl and taught her English I saw her face light up.  As we began learning animals, I watched her laugh as she imitated the animal sounds.  As we fashioned letters and small animals out of clay she began to play.  For a moment she was able to be a kid.  She wasn’t selling roses in the streets of the red light district for an hour.  She was being 6 years old.  When it was time to go she thanked us, and as they walked down the street she turned back looking at us with a smile and waved.

Being with those kids, I’m able to get out of my head and trust in God.  Because there’s no logical reason that I am making a difference in these kids lives.  I feel totally inadequate.  Completely inept. I was reminded this week that it’s ok to feel like that — because it’s NOT about me.  I’m going to be reminding myself of that a lot in the coming weeks and months.  

This past week I read a verse 2 Corinthians 3:5-6 “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; Who hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.”

When you look at the context of this verse the word sufficient means having the ability or competency to do a thing.  Able means to make sufficient or to equip with adequacy. Ministers are servants, people who follow the orders of another.  

So this verse is telling us that we do not have the ability of competency to do things ourselves, but our ability and competency comes from God.  God has made us sufficient and adequate to serve others and follow His orders.

This means if I am being obedient to Him that my adequacy, and ability to reach out and show His love comes straight from Him.  I can’t do it in my own will. That kind of takes all of the pressure off.  All I have to do is listen.

I realized this morning that things are going to be hard.  This is going to be an uphill battle to be obedient, at least in this season. But God has asked me to follow through with the simplest task I've ever had.   And that simplicity has somehow made it difficult.  The only thing that God is asking me to do is show His love to these kids.  That's it. Allowing them to experience the characteristics of His nature that they have never experienced before.  The characteristics that He's pointed out to me are loyalty, trustworthiness, and consistency.  And I'm not willing to be a person who proves to these kids that they can not trust, that they will always face broken loyalty, or that they will never have consistency in their little lives.   If He's calling me to display this to them I must be willing to be obedient.  To operate solely in His power, and not in my own strength.

When I posted my Facebook status yesterday and said, “...I wonder what I will learn today.”  I didn’t think that it was going to be quite this deep.

“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again — rejoice!”  Philippians 4:4

The Only Thing Predictable is that it's Unpredictable

Hello everyone!

This week I was able to start working - and I just jumped right in. Sunday night a World Race team arrived.  35 people were on the squad that came in, and they were split into teams to work in different areas of Lighthouse in Action. I don't know a lot about World Race, but if you're interested in finding out more you can check out their website here: www.theworldrace.org I have a group of 7 living with me that will focus on working with Love Acts in the red light district, and with kids in the slums.  

The core purpose of Love Acts - showing the love of Jesus through actions.

Working with the team, getting them moved into my house, and figuring out what my ministry times were going to look like - along with language lessons, and graphic design work in the afternoons created a busy week for me.  Tuesday I celebrated my 26th birthday in Thailand.  Complete with coffee, Thai lessons, dinner with new friends, FaceTiming with friends from home, and a birthday cake.  It was a good day :) 

Wednesday night I was able to go out with Bethsaida again to the red-light district to work with the kids.  When we meet with the kids we pick a spot that has decent lighting in front of a store, or business that's closed for the night.  When we arrived on Wednesday we found that in the spot we had chosen the week before a new bar had opened up, and there was no place for us to meet with the kids.  As we walked down the street, we found a new spot, and we sat and waited. After half an hour of sitting, no kids had come down the street. Eventually we looked up and saw one of the boys we had spent time with last week walking down the street.  He came running over and sat with us for a few minutes, excitedly asking if it was time for gifts yet because he wanted shoes.  Looking down, he walks the streets with bare feet every night.  We explained we would have them in three weeks, and he smiled and wanted to learn more letters and animals in English.


Wednesday night that one little boy is the only kid we saw. As we were walking back to our bikes Bethsaida looked over and said, "The only thing that's predictable about this work, is that it's unpredictable." And I was starting to understand what she meant by that.

Thursday night we were back out in the red-light waiting for more kids.  This time it was almost an hour that went by until we saw one little girl come around the corner with her mom.  She came running over and sat with us, excited to learn.  As I taught her the alphabet, Bethsaida began talk to the girls mom.  After they left it was almost 11pm.  Bethsaida had found out that the boys she had connected with, whom we hadn't seen, had been moved to sell flowers in a different area, but she wasn't sure where.  We decided to try and go find the boys to reconnect with them.  We searched for quite awhile, but weren't able to find them last night.

So this is what my ministry is looking like at the moment. It's not looking for spectacular things.  It's allowing the love of Jesus to shine into a kids life - even if it's just one kid when I go out.  It's still worth it.  As I prepare to go out tonight - thankful that my cold is on the mend, and that it's not raining - I can only pray that God brings the kids that need it the most today.  And maybe even leads me to find the boys that have been moved.