*Blank Stare*
A blank stare can mean a lot of things really.
Surprise.
Shock.
Frustration.
Unbelief.
“Seriously?”
This phrase can have a lot of translations.
“I can’t believe this is happening!”
“Are you kidding? Or no?...”
“This is so great!”
“I’m to frustrated to say what I want to say.”
*Sigh*
A sigh can be a result of many things.
Relief
Annoyance
Being overwhelmed
Revelation
Defeat
This week I feel like has been a week of: *Blank Stare* “Seriously?” *Sigh*
Like when I realized that I got to see a friend from high school, and a friend that I lived in New Zealand with in the same week in Thailand.
*Blank Stare* “Seriously?” *Sigh* Translation: *Surprise* “This is so great!” *Revelation*
Or when I realized that a stranger at the bus station helped me get home on time after missing my bus by talking with the bus company in Thai and telling them I was given wrong information (when really my taxi took me to the wrong bus station and got there 5 minutes after my bus left) and I was given a ticket back home with no hassle.
*Blank Stare* “Seriously?” *Sigh* Translation: *Shock* “Are you kidding? Or no?...” *Relief*
Or when I got home after an overnight 10 hour bus ride to discover that I was covered literally head to toe in flea bites. I stopped counting at 100.
*Blank Stare* “Seriously?” *Sigh* Translation *Frustration* “I can’t believe this is happening.” *Annoyance*
Or when I go to make dinner and there’s no gas in the stove and it’s 10pm.
*Blank Stare* “Seriously?” *Sigh* Translation: *Unbelief* “You have got to be kidding.” *Defeat*
Or the next morning when we were trying to fix the broken toilet and realized that our water, internet, and electricity bills haven’t been paid and the internet, and water are shut off on a Sunday afternoon.
*Blank Stare* “Seriously?” *Sigh* Translation: *Unbelief* “I’m to frustrated to say what I want to say.”
*Overwhelmed*
Sometimes as a missionary (which... I really don’t like that word by the way. I’m just living life in Thailand...) I feel like I’m supposed to have everything together all the time. Like I can’t do anything wrong or I’m going to fail. Like when something goes awry in my life that I need to have the answers and get it fixed with a smile on my face the whole time and be happy.
But this week has been a week of: *Blank Stare* “Seriously?” *Sigh*
My day off consisted of replacing the empty gas tank, paying in the internet bill, warning the other 11 people that live in my house that we can’t use the bathroom upstairs as we realize that we have no water.... And grocery shopping.
This afternoon I came back home ready to break down. I am still a very human, human. I’m going to be honest. Today has been a very frustrating day. I’ve wanted to yell, but I’ve held my tongue. I’ve wanted to cry, and I have a little. I’ve wanted to pack up my bags, and come back home because I’m totally overwhelmed with teaching photography, doing graphic design, orientation for teams, working with slum kids, teaching english, learning Thai, and taking care of my street kids who have it way worse than I do and smile at me, and laugh with me everyday.
So instead, I’m going to pick up my guitar and worship. I’m going to pray - knowing that God called me here for a reason. And I’m going to trust that I will figure this out and move forward.
And that I can get through tomorrow with no:
*Blank Stare* “Seriously?” *Sigh*
- This year I have been gifted with some of the best friends I've ever had.
- God healed me of a disease medical professionals deemed 'incurable'
- I got to live on top of a grocery store
- I was able to raise a goose AND a duck. Easily the coolest pets ever. Thank you Jill and Brooks.
- I spent most of the year making people coffee. I like people. And I like coffee.
- All of the friends mentioned above have some of the coolest kids I've ever met. And I got to hang out with them a lot. They all make me laugh.
- I bought a plane ticket to Thailand - even though I had never been there and it was scary.
- I found out I have an amazingly supportive church family.
- I got to go to New York City. Definitely my favorite place I've ever been in the world.
- I moved to Thailand. Easily the most challenging step of obedience to God I've ever taken.
- I met some really amazing people with the same heart for kids and justice that I have.
- I started learning Thai.
- I discovered Chaa Yen. Thank you Bethsaida.
- My form of transportation became a scooter.
- I became friends with some of the most incredibly strong, and awesome kids that I've ever met. And they work in the streets of Northern Thailand.
- My job is now to love on these adorable street kids.
- I got better at speaking Thai.
- I learned what World Race is, and how awesome World Racers are.
- Khaw Sooy. I found a favorite Thai meal.
- Technology. FaceTime and iMessage have saved my sanity in 2012.
- Learning how powerful steadfast obedience to Jesus is. Even when it's hard, and you don't like it - He's still working.
- Learning how to not only walk in obedience, but also with a willing heart.
- Coffee. I just love it.
- Feeling an idea of direction to what my life will look like in 2013.
- Learning what an incredibly supportive family and friends I have. And growing more thankful for them everyday.
- Jesus. I couldn't do this without Him.
