Ruined for the Ordinary

This past month has been so busy.  I have been going out with the kids 4 or 5 nights a week, doing orientation for every new team that has come in - and there have been 10 teams here this past month.  I have been teaching graphic design some afternoons, english some afternoons, and showing teams around.  This along with ministry meetings, Thai lessons, and finding time for getting things done around the house and paying bills. Not a lot of free time.

But what I've noticed in the past month is that I've finally gotten over my culture shock.  For the first several months, although I really enjoyed each individual thing I was doing I had a hard time wanting to stay in Thailand.  I found myself not wanting to learn the language, and feeling defeated in a lot of what I was doing.  

About three weeks ago I had gone to a small diner close to my house to get lunch.  It's one of the few places around that I've found I can get a genuine meal that tastes like it's from home.  I was sitting at a stop light on the way home with my chicken salad sandwich and I said out loud to myself, "I just want an ordinary life!"  As I said this I just wanted to be at home. I wanted to go out to lunch with my best friend and eat a chicken greek salad.  I wanted to serve coffee.  I wanted to be in my comfort zone.  

I knew that if I went home I wouldn't miss the mosquitos, getting cut off while driving down the road, the fleas, the lice, the karaoke.  I would be excited about having a kitchen that didn't open up to the outdoors, about being able to flush toilet paper down the toilet.  I would love being able to speak the same language as everyone and communicate what I wanted, when I wanted.

And then I heard so clearly in my mind, "You're ruined for the ordinary."  

As I began to think, I realized that it didn't matter if I had good plumbing, an indoor kitchen, and no fleas.  I wouldn't care about the amount of mosquitos, or what language people were speaking.  I've spent months working with kids who have been forced to make money for their families.  I've seen the faces of amazing woman who don't realize their worth.  I've spent time with people who are sometimes not provided with even the simplest needs.

I couldn't go back to ordinary now. If I went back to ordinary - my heart would be hurting for those I could be helping.  

Ordinary in my world is Michigan.  Ordinary in my world is having a job and being independent.  Providing for yourself and socializing with those around you.  My ordinary was spending evenings with friends, and holidays with my family.  My ordinary was being comfortable and surrounded by everyone that I loved.  My ordinary was not having to think outside the box, but be conformed by... Ordinary.

I couldn't do that anymore.  I had experienced Jesus.  He was to real.  I had seen Him work miracles - I knew His power.  I had become friends with the least of these - who really turned out to be far more than those we would be considered 'above the least'.  

My life was ruined. So I had to stay.  As soon as that sank in - no more culture shock.  

I'm ruined for the ordinary forever.  Although this season is calling me to be here - there may be another season that calls me back to my ordinary.  If that happens know that just because I'm back in my ordinary, doesn't mean I'll be conformed by it anymore.  Now that I'm ruined, I may have to color outside the lines :)