Settling In

Day 5 here in Thailand, and I'm starting to feel like I could be processing the fact that I'm living here.  Yesterday I was able to meet some of the people that I will be working with, and get an idea of what life will be like here in Thailand. 

In the afternoon I went up to Wongen Cafe, which is run by Lighthouse in Action.  It is a coffee shop/cafe selling espresso drinks, smoothies, meals, and desserts.  I sat and was able to meet some of whom I will be working with as well as go through orientation over Thai culture, and the different areas of Lighthouse in Action.

I learned that... I have a lot to learn.

My main focus at the moment is going to be learning the Thai language.  I will be having Thai lessons one on one 3 days a week, 2 hours a day.  This will give me the ability, obviously, to communicate more effectively with Thai people, but also give me more freedom in living here.  At the moment it is difficult to communicate or know what anything is when I'm out on my own.  Most Thai people know basic english, but it's really difficult to function in society with no ability to speak past basic numbers and greetings.

Aside from my 6 hours of one on one Thai lessons through out the week, I will be focusing my days on working in Wongen.  I won't necessarily be making coffee or serving food (although my years of restaurant/Starbucks experience have prepared me to help in those areas if needed...) but I will have the chance to be around Thai people, practice my language skills, and listening and learning while I'm there.  

One of the amazing things I learned yesterday was that one of the big needs right now is a graphic designer.  Just so happens that I graduated with a degree in graphic design last year :)  So while I'm working at the cafe I can spend time working on graphic design projects for Lighthouse in Action.  Promotional Materials, branding of Wongen, as well as some photography for the website. It's so great to know that the years of hard work that I put in, in school will be put to great use :)

Aside from my days of helping out with design and learning Thai, my focus within Lighthouse in Action will be working with kids.  I will have the opportunity to work in the slums a couple of nights a week with kids there.  I will be partnering with Compassion International who sponsors kids in these slums.  Building relationships with the kids and reaching out to them.  

I will also have the chance to reach out the street kids in the Red Light district. The street kids don't have much.  There are no sponsorships for them, and they work into early morning hours every night on the streets of the red light district selling roses.  These kids are owned by street parents who don't allow them to return home until they've sold their roses. I will be working alongside one of the girls who has built relationships and trust with these kids to start out.  My goal - simply to show them the love of God.  My nights may look like sitting in one area for the night and allowing the kids to come over when they have a break to play a game, or get some food.  To have the opportunity to pray over them.  For them to see some consistency and love in a chaotic existence. 

Right before I left home I was sitting with a friend of mine and I was saying that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to reach the Thai kids because I couldn't speak their language.  My friend has two boys who are 5 and 3, and I spent a lot of time with their family in the months before I left. She reminded me that her boys love me - and most of the time I'm just laughing with them.  There aren't in depth conversations, or a lot of spoken communication. I started to pay attention to my interactions with them in the last few days I was home.  The day before I left I spent a good portion of my morning playing with her three year old.  We didn't talk at all, we jumped over lines in the floor, and laughed.  I love that God has created me to work most effectively not in the business realm, not in a 9-5 atmosphere... He created me to play.  To hang out with kids and show them the love of Jesus by laughing with them, or smiling at them, or playing with them.  That I can do.  I'm actually good at it.

Aside from learning what my days will look like here, I was also able to move into my house yesterday.  I will be living here with my friend Lindsey, when she arrives at the end of November.  We will also host teams that come through to work with Lighthouse in Action short term.  The first team will be arriving in 5 days.  It is a World Race team of 35 people, who will be working in several different areas of Lighthouse in Action.  The 7 people who will focus on working with kids will be living at my house with me, and going into the slums and to work with street kids.

I honestly have no idea what to expect since I haven't even been into the slums, or to meet the street kids yet.  I think I'm just going to have to jump in, and figure it out as I go.

Now that I am all unpacked, 8 days after leaving home,  I am starting to feel more settled.  I'm just looking forward to feeling like I know what I'm doing :)  I may not have a set routine, but now that I've heard what I'll be doing - I am excited to experience it.  To live it. For it to be my life here.

I have so much to learn. So much.  But I'm here, and I'm diving in.  And it's good.

My First Thailand Experiences

It's my third day here in Thailand.  Yesterday was my first real day going out and seeing the country, and the culture.  When I woke up in the morning and got ready for the day, I went to the outdoor sitting area and made myself some coffee while I read through the book of 2 Corinthians.  

This is the outdoor sitting area at the guesthouse I'm staying at for the weekend.

Feeling encouraged after spending some time in the Word I tried to muster up the courage to go out and find some food. At this point I had been in Thailand for a day, but because I slept for 17 hours I had seen nothing, still had no idea where I was, and I had very little food and water left with me. I made sure I had everything I needed in my bag and trekked out into the streets of Chiang Mai in search of food.

I managed to find a store and get some carrots and plenty of water, and then stopped at a street vendor to get some lunch.  Some chicken wings, they were actually really good! And not as creepy looking in person as they appear to be in this photo...

First street vendor food... And it did not make me sick. Only tasted delicious.

After lunch the two girls who had come to let me in the day I arrived came over to check on me.  Their names are Lisa and Caroline, and they are both from Washington DC.  They came to work in Thailand for the next couple of months, and it looks like I'll have the chance to work with them while I'm here.  We went and got shrimp Pad Thai for lunch, and then went to the mall to pick up a few things we needed.  I was able to get a phone so I'm able to communicate with the people I'm working with in Thailand, and that also makes it much less scary to be walking around trying to find things in Chiang Mai, because I know if I get lost I can call someone for help.  

I came back home to rest before going to dinner with Bethsaida.  Her and I had emailed a couple of times while I was still in Michigan.  She is from New York, and has been the director of the LoveActs ministry with Lighthouse in Action for the past year. She recently stepped down, and will be getting ready to move out of Thailand soon - but it was great to get some insight from her and talk through how the ministry has been running recently.  

We actually went to a Mexican Karaoke Bar in Thailand.

You didn't see that coming did you.

So while you were all eating breakfast Saturday morning, I was eating chicken enchiladas, and singing Karaoke with new friends :)

When I got back home last night, I realized I had survived my first real day in Thailand.  Even though I'm still living in this big house by myself - I don't have any anxiety about going to get lunch from the street vendors today.  I feel like I know my way around a bit.  I'm REALLY excited for all of the staff to get back so that I can be around people, but... this is going to be good.

I decided to take the day today to just relax here at the guesthouse.  No big excursions, or adventures. I'm going to walk up and get some lunch, and then spend my day reading, napping, and enjoying some down time before the staff get back and I start working.  This week I will start Thai lessons, I'll be going into the red light district to meet the kids I'll be working with, and the women, and I'll start to get an idea of what my routine will be here.

Thank you all SO much for your prayers, your support, and your encouragement! This is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I'm really excited to see how it's going to be used!

Later today I will have another video posted on my youtube.  Click Here if you're interested in checking it out!

And this is me in the Shanghai airport after I got my passport stamped in China. After that long 14 hour flight...

What Day is it Again?

I'm here! I made it... I'm in Thailand! And not just in Thailand, but I actually made it to the Lighthouse in Action base :) I arrived in Chiang Mai almost 24 hours ago.  The latter part of my journey was quite stressful.  I was tired emotionally, mentally, and physically. 

I was supposed to be picked up in Bangkok and have a place to stay for 12 hours so that I could rest, and get some sleep before coming to Chiang Mai, but no one picked me up.  My flight had landed in Bangkok at midnight - so I stayed in the airport. When the ticket windows opened at 5am I paid a small fee to have my flight moved up.  Instead of leaving at 5pm I would be able to leave an noon and go on standby for two earlier flights at 8am and 10am - but both of those flights were full.

When I realized that they had forgotten to pick me up in Bangkok my exhaustion and emotions took over.  I had just traveled for 26 straight hours not sleeping for more than an hour at a time on the plane. I tried calling the place I was supposed to say and got a hold of someone, but when they tried to give me directions that were in Thai I didn't understand, and I didn't want to get lost in Bangkok at  midnight by myself.  So I sat in the airport, and I cried.  How was I going to do this if I couldn't even figure out how to get to where I was staying from the airport? How am I going to LIVE here.  I wasn't able to rationalize much at that point.

It was midnight in Bangkok but only 11am at home.  My friends started to text me on the ipad - slight side note... how amazing is technology that with my ipad I can text my best friends on their iphones at home and have a real time conversation whenever I was for free. And it's convenient.  Amazing... - Anyway.  My friends spoke such truth and perspective to me.  I calmed down, and they made me laugh a lot. And I told Jen that I really wanted eggs for breakfast...

By the time I changed my ticket and talked with them for awhile  I only had a couple of hours to wait and see if I got on the standby flight. As I sat across from the check-in counter a woman came and asked if she could sit next to me.  I could tell by her accent that she was from North America.  She was older, and had a hiking backpack on.  I asked if she was coming in to Thailand, or flying out - and we had a great conversation.  

Her name was Jan.  She was from Arizona and she was meeting up with her friend so they could go hiking in Nepal.  She said since her kids were grown she had to figure out where she belonged in her next season.  She missed traveling, so she's traveling. I loved it! She encouraged me in what I was doing.  She told me that Eleanor Roosevelt had said, "Do something that scares you everyday." I assured her I had completed that task for the day. As it came time for me to check on my flight she hugged me and wished me luck, and told me not to believe myself when I said I was scared.  If I was really scared, I would have never come.

I went up to the ticket counter and they had one seat left of the flight to Chiang Mai at 8am. And guess who got it.

This girl.

I had to sprint to my gate, but I made the flight and guess what they served for breakfast on the one hour flight? Egg sandwiches! With fresh fruit and the most delicious yogurt... it was awesome.

I got into Chiang Mai and called Emmi.  Someone picked me up at the airport and dropped me off at the Lighthouse in Action Guesthouse.  The girls who were supposed to let me in had just got up to 7-Eleven.  The taxi driver and girl who picked me up told me not to worry, just to wait.  And they left.

So there i was in Thailand by myself.  My luggage sitting in the dirt outside of a locked gate. I don't speak the language, I don't have a phone, and I had no idea where I was.  Talk about living in Faith.  All I could do was pray that Jesus had a plan n this.

A few minutes later two girls came to let me in.  They were really nice.  They showed me where my room was and made sure I didn't have any questions.  They said they had to leave, but would be back to following night.  All of the Lighthouse team had gone on retreat for the weekend.  So here I sit in this big building with 9 bedrooms, two sitting areas, and an outdoor kitchen all by myself.

God is forcing me to sit and rest in Him.  For Him to show me that He is enough.  I don't need other people around me.  It's great when they're there - and I TOTALLY appreciate the people in my life.

But He is enough.

I can do nothing without Him here.  There's really no reason for me to be in Thailand unless I am going to rely on Him completely.  For everything. All day.  

So I slept for 17 hours last night.  I'm over jet lag.  I have no idea what day it is.  In my head it feels like it should be Thursday.  But it's Saturday morning.  It feels like it's afternoon. but it's only 9:30am.  I'll catch on.  

But for now. I am just trusting in Him.

Taking it In

My flight from Shanghai, China to Bangkok, Thailand arrived on time at midnight.  I went through customs and immigration, picked up my bags and walked out to arrivals looking for a little sign with my name on it.  I had arranged for a place to stay so that I could sleep after 25 straight hours of travel.  

As I walked up and down the aisle looking for my name I wasn't seeing anything.  I walked back and forth, back and forth - sure that I had missed it.  After an hour and a half of walking back and forth I finally came to the realization they had forgotten to come pick me up.  And I still had 16 hours until my flight to Chiang Mai.  I called the number I was given if I had any problems and was told that I could take a taxi to where I was going but it would only bring me close not all the way there, and I couldn't understand the rest of the directions in Thai.  I ran out of change for the pay phone, sat down in a corner and started to cry.

I was exhausted.  In that moment I felt completely inept.  Like there was no way I was going to be able to do this.  I couldn't even figure out how to get to a place to sleep.

I talked with a few friends and they spoke words of encouragement, and made me laugh.  I have to say - I have never been so grateful for technology.  FaceTime is saving my sanity at this point.  

But as I sat I realized it was simple.  I know the address of where I'm going in Chiang Mai - all I need to do is move up my flight.  So I did.  I'm on standby for an 8am flight and really hoping I make it on - but regardless I will be in Chiang Mai no longer than 8 hours from now.  It's the final stretch.  The last leg.

I can do this.

Pacific Thoughts

Day 2 of travel and I am on my third flight.  I left Michigan 40 hours ago, and I am currently half way to China over the Pacific Ocean.  I spent a day with some friends in LA before leaving this afternoon for my long stretch of travel. A 14 hour flight from LA to Shanghai, China followed by a 4 hour flight to Bangkok, Thailand a long layover, and then a one hour flight up to Chiang Mai.  Although it has been close to 2 days since I left, I still have 33 hours before my plane lands in Chiang Mai.

I am following a clear calling to Thailand.  I know that I am in the right place.  I know that He has called me into international missions - but if I'm honest, this isn't easy.  Yesterday I began to get really nervous about moving so far away.  My nervousness turned into being scared to leave. I woke up early this morning at my friends apartment in Costa Mesa, CA in a panic stricken fear that I was leaving.  I realized that really, I'm not sure what I'm walking into.  I had 3 hours left in the United States.  I could potentially be taking my last hot shower.  The next time that I got into a vehicle it was most likely going to be a little tuk-tuk driving down the left side of the road.  I was scared that it was going to be too different, that I wasn't ready.  

I called a good friend and she spoke Truth to me.  Reminding me that Jesus asks us to take our thoughts captive and be obedient to Him.  I needed to focus on what He was asking, and His character and who He was - not what seemed scary.

Have you ever taken a day to REALLY take your thoughts captive.  Have you ever taken the time to think about what that means ? What are you thinking about? Does it line up with Gods character? I was intentional about doing that today! and do you know what the result was?  I have peace.  I wasn't scared anymore.  I'm not going to lie, I did - even after taking my thoughts captive - have a moment of panic when I realized that it was time for my flight to board and there was no plane.  I was at the wrong gate.  But. It lasted a moment, and when I got to the right gate and boarded my plane, I let it go.

Although...

I think that was valid.

So as I make my way across the Pacific and drink green tea as I'm writing to you I am listening to the words of a song from the band 'Enter the  Worship Circle'  ( and listening to everyone around me speak Cantonese...) which say:

You will turn your ear to me

You will hear my cry for mercy

You will loosen things unseen

What can man do to me

You will be my help in trouble

You will be my place of refuge

You will cut these bindings free

What can man do to me 

I am encouraged by this song that there is nothing that man can do, nothing that I can come up against here on earth that is going to stop God from reaching out and helping.  He always hears me.  Always. So I am going to hold onto that as I go through customs in China so that I can pick up my luggage and transfer airlines before heading to Thailand.  Praying that I am able to find where to go on my own in China and not miss my flight.  Hopefully the next time we talk will be from Thailand ;) 

What Makes it Worth It

Although I am already on my second flight of the day - it seems completely surreal that I am actually moving.  That I am actually following through with something that I have dreamed of for so long. There were so many days, months... Years - long years - where I thought that I would never get to do this. That I would never have the chance to travel again. That I never thought that I would have the chance to reach the nations for Jesus again.  I don't know why he's allowing me to live a life that is so full of adventure.  I don't understand why He's called me to a life that is so different.   Different in that I am constantly out of my comfort zone.  Different In that I am being asked to go to a place that is so outside of my ordinary. So far past the bounds of what I feel capable of.

But somehow I'm here.  I'm sitting on a plane making my way thousands of miles across the world so that He can speak through me and use me, and reach people.  I feel like if I get to Thailand and manage to settle into the culture and people's lives begin to change - there is no bigger testament of Jesus than that.  Even being physically healed seems easier to believe than to think that me moving to Thailand could change anything.  I have nothing substantial to offer.  I haven't been trained to do this.  I havent spent my life preparing emotionally or mentally for walking through the things that I am going to see.  

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine and he asked if I was ready to encounter the human suffering that I was going to see daily as I worked in the red light district.

My answer was really simple.  No.  I'm not ready.  I'm never going to be ready to encounter the types of things that I am going to see there.  It's inhumane.  It's heart wrenching.  It's not going to settle well, or be ok.

But even though I'm not ready for it - I do know that God has a plan.  And it's good.  So I am going to listen.  Intently, everyday.  Because I know that He is going to tell me who I need to talk to. If I'm listening to where He wants me to go to, and who He wants me to talk to - I'm going to be prepared for that one person, the next conversation.  For that one situation I'm going to come up against next.  

When I think through what I'm doing in a human capacity it is to scary to fathom.  In the past week I have had to part with a lot of people in my life.  I have had to hug kids whom I have spent the last year and a half laughing with, and tell them it's going to be ok and I'll see them again as they cried. In the last 12 hours I had to stand in front of 3 of my best friends and say goodbye.  As each of us said, "This is good.  This is Gods will," I think all of us reassuring each other, as well as ourselves with the statement. It's making me cry now thinking about it, but not just because I'm sad.  I am sad - but also so grateful.  I am leaving Michigan to embark on the greatest adventure of my life - but I had to leave behind the best thing that I've ever had. It's such a stark contrast of emotion.  So bittersweet.

The only thing that makes it worth it is knowing that I'm being obedient to a God who is so loving, and so powerful, and loves me more perfectly than any human in my life - and He's with me every step of the way.

I'm Leaving On a Jet Plane... Seriously. I don't know when I'll be back again...

It is 5:27a.m. on Tuesday October 23.  
I am sitting in an airport terminal in Detroit, Michigan.
It’s actually quite warm outside, but rainy.
I’m nauseous — but I can’t decide if it’s because I’m really hungry, or really nervous.  It might be a little of both.

Outside there is an airplane.  In one hour that plane is going to take off and the first leg of my 5 flight, three day journey to Thailand is going to begin. As my friend likes to tell me, I’ll be on the runway to my destiny :)

I feel like this past week caught me off guard.  I have traveled before.   I’ve done international missions work before.  I have packed my bags and moved to a foreign country before. But it was NEVER this hard to leave.  As my friends dropped me off at the airport today I said, “I’m so nervous my whole body is going numb from head to toe...” Literally.  It was such a strange feeling.  I’ve had a few emotional moments this week.  Saying goodbye to people who I love.  A lot.  In general I’m not that emotional around people. But this morning I couldn’t help it.  I was completely overcome with such an array of emotions as the van pulled up to the curb.

My heart hurt because I didn’t want to leave all of these people behind.  My people.  My friends and family who have supported me so willingly, and without question.  

I was excited for a new adventure.

I was scared.  What if I’m not ready?

I hugged my friends. I cried a lot. And then I walked into the airport to check in my bags and God said, “I’m enough.”

I cried a little bit more, and then I got in line to check in for my flight.  I brought two bags and two carry ons for this adventure.  For the last three days I’ve been nervous that my bags were going to be over the weight limit and I would have to pay extra to travel with them.  The weight limit is 50lbs per bag.  I set my hiking backpack on the scale and it was 39lbs.  I knew then that I would be ok if I had to move a few things around, and I set my duffle bag on the scale.

Exactly 50lbs.

Thank you Jesus.

With step one of this adventure complete I felt a little more confident.  I went through security.  Step 2.  A little more confidence.  I found my gate. Step 3.  Confidence still growing.  

Sitting here and writing to you all I can say that I’m still a little scared. I’m still sad — and I’m going to be for a little while. But I trust Him. I trust the God that says, “I’m enough”.  I’m jumping in to this.  I’m all in.  I’m trusting Him, believing Him, living completely in Him. 

My flight is boarding now.  Talk to you soon, friends.

New York You've Captured My Heart

In 6 days — less than one week — I will be leaving for Thailand.  After a short stop in LA to visit a good friend, I will arrive in Bangkok at midnight on Friday October 26. 

It's close. And there are still so many things to do — but last week I was given the opportunity to take a break.  To stop, and enjoy a part of the United States that I had never experienced.  I received the best gift I've ever been given — a plane ticket to New York City.

NYC has been on my bucket list for years. I left early Wednesday morning to take on New York City on my own for two days.  Although a small part of me wondered if I should have talked a friend into coming along, I knew that this was an experience I would love on my own.  There was a sense of relief that I would have the opportunity to spend time unwinding, and exploring a new place with no pressure of a schedule. I didn't have to be anywhere, or talk to anyone, or do anything.  I simply had the privilege to go where I wanted to go, when I wanted to go and just soak it in.

I sat on the plane taking a quiet moment to take in the beautiful sunrise from above the clouds as I read through Ephesians.

As I flew, and watched the sunrise something within my awakened. I haven't been on a plane since 2010.  The last 3 times I flew, my immune system was so low, I had to wear a face-mask to be sure I wasn't taking in to many germs on the plane. 

I have been healed from Crohns for 8 months — that face mask wasn't even a thought when I boarded this flight.  Earlier in the week I had been doing a lot of time thinking about my upcoming trip to Thailand.  Through out the week although excited to experience a new adventure, I had been sad.  Deep to my core, my heart hurt thinking about leaving my life behind in Michigan. I have the most incredible community here.  I have the BEST friends I have ever had in my entire life.  I loved my job.  I was excited for Thailand, but I was sad to leave.

As I sat on the plane on my way to New York the passion in my heart for travel, to see and experience things that were new and different was awakened in me.  Although I knew that I was going to miss everyone here in Michigan, I began to be so excited for Thailand.  I wasn't scared anymore.  I wasn't apprehensive about going.  I was just excited to experience something new, and I knew that I could do it.

From the moment the plane landed, a grin was plastered to my face.  Kind of like this.

I took a bus into the city and began my adventure.  I literally spent the entire day walking around NYC.  I wanted to see everything that I could see.  I wanted to experience everything I could experience.  I loved the atmosphere, and the enormity of everything.  For two days I walked around soaking in everything around me, and loving every single second of it.  I have never in my life been brought so much joy from a place I've visited. It was beautiful, and eccentric, and amazing.

Grand Central Station. Everything I thought it would be and more.

Such life in the streets! The colors and sounds livened my spirit!

It was so 'New York', it almost seemed fake.  Surreal moments..

Central Park.  My favorite.  Perfection... 

Beauty.  This city exudes it.

Even though I knew it before New York, I began to realize — really realize — that I could do this.  I could move to Thailand. Even though this was going to be different than other trips I had taken, I knew that I could do it.  I was SO blessed, deep in my soul, to have such a refreshing NYC experience before I leave next week.

The night before I left for New York I was reading through Isaiah and God placed a verse on my heart that I knew was for me, in that moment.  It's something I reminded myself of in New York, and something I'm going to carry with me to Thailand.

Isaiah 41:9-12

"I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." I'm excited for this journey, and I hope you're excited to be a part of it as well! Here we go, friends...