So let me set the scene for you - what was happening one year ago....
February 25, 2012
3:30am
I woke up at for an opening shift. Nothing like making coffee bright and early to get the day started. There wasn't anything special about that morning. I was kind of at the end of my rope on this particular day. I had been in and out of the hospital repeatedly the previous three months, and was ending a week of extreme symptoms from a Crohns flare. I hadn't been able to eat or drink anything without getting sick for almost a full week. It was to the point I knew I was dehydrated, I had no energy, no motivation, and honestly. No hope. A month previously my doctors had told me they had tried everything on the market to get my Crohns into remission. Nothing had worked. I had been on the highest dosages of the strongest medications, and nothing was working.
They were giving me until March to go into remission, otherwise I was going to start scheduling surgeries to remove the infected parts of my digestive system. Only four days away from March, and I was more sick than I had been in months. It wasn't looking good.
6:00am
I was on my break at work sipping on some water, hoping to make it through my shift. I got a text message from a friend. She said, "I was praying for you this morning. Something happened! Tell me when you start feeling different."
I hadn't eaten in two days, and water wasn't really going to effect me. Feeling hopeless and lethargic I replied that I would be sure to let her know. I wanted to sound hopeful - but my thinking was far from it.
12:00pm
My routine in the previous few months of being sick had been to go to work, and sleep the rest of the day. I got another text message from my friend asking if I would be willing to come over so her and her husband could pray for me.
1:30pm
I got to my friends house and they prayed for me. After they finished praying my friend looked at me and said, "Go home and eat something." With a smile.
7:00pm
I went to a friends house for a game night. We made salad, and ordered pizza. I hadn't eaten in two days. I hadn't been able to keep any food in without being sick in a full week. No one really knew how sick I had been that week. I smiled, ate dinner, and enjoyed the night.
February 25, 2013 One Year Later...
10:00am
I wake up and make my coffee to start the day.
2:00pm
I drive my scooter around Chiang Mai, Thailand running errands.
4:00pm
I finish my list of things to do as I hang up clothes to dry on the balcony upstairs in the 100 degree heat, knowing they will dry quickly before dark.
6:30pm
I have dinner with my wonderful friend at a Thai barbeque. We laugh and talk half in English, half in Thai as we eat a delicious meal.
10:00pm
I got out and look for the street kids I work with through out the week.
How much difference a year can make...
I've been able to eat and drink anything I want, whenever I want for an entire year. I've never been sick again. No more doctors, no more medications, no more sickness.
An entire year!
Can I just say. When you have several medical professionals telling you that you will never be well again.... Telling you, you will never be able to travel internationally again, never be able to eat certain foods... That you will, 'live a normal life' but have to live in such a way that you are controlled by circumstances of what foods are available, what health complications your having that day, or what side effects your dealing with from medications....
I never thought I would be in this place. I NEVER thought that one year later I would be writing this from Thailand! There are so many things I deemed impossible for my life after hearing people tell me for years I would never be able to do it again... But it happened. It's happening!
And you can say it's a coincidence. You can say that, it was just going to happen anyway and the timing worked out. You can say that it was a medical phenomenon, a one in a million chance...
But I am telling you - I know that it was God who healed me. As crazy, and insane as that sounds. It was. And I'm also telling you - He is good. He's so good. Every day. Even when things are hard, or circumstances seem to be going against us. When things happen that we can't explain, or don't want to deal with. Through all of that - He is GOOD.
No. I didn't like being sick for 3 years, 5 months, and 12 days. Every day - without a break.
No. I didn't like having blood drawn every three weeks for two straight years, or doctors appointments ever two weeks for months on end.
I didn't like being admitted into the hospital and being hooked up to IV's on the oncology floor every six weeks.
I didn't like take 26 pills every morning, or not being able to go out into the sun because a side effect of medications was sunburn and heightened risk of skin cancer, or being severely anemic for three years, having no energy...
None of that was good.
But do you know what IS good? The fact that every time I get to eat something spicy, salads, nuts, raw vegetables, fried or creamy food... Every day I get to walk around in a foreign country, every day I spend AWAY from hospitals and doctors offices... Do you know how much MORE I appreciate those days? A lot more.
God gave me a gift. And TRUST me. It's not because I deserved it. I certainly did not have a good attitude when I was sick. I wasn't full of faith that he was going to heal me. I didn't think everything was going to be ok. But He did it anyway.
And for the last 365 days - honestly... I haven't been great about thanking Him every day. I haven't had a perfect attitude the whole year. I haven't done everything right.
But I can honestly say I also haven't passed up any opportunities. He gave me a chance to live out my dream. And one year later I can say, I'm doing it. And He's given me more direction, and more clarity about how to live out my dream in JOY in the future. And I can say that a whole entire year after I've been healed, I'm not so much amazed that I'm not sick anymore, I'm way more amazed at how GOOD the God I serve is. And I really hope that people around me will know who He is, and how good He is too.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Friday, February 22, 2013
Bless Em'
Last night I went to hang out with my kids. There's a little girl I work with who loves to learn English. She knows the entire alphabet now, and is even beginning to be able to sound out English words. It has been such a joy to work with her over the past few months. To play games, laugh, and bring joy. She doesn't live with her biological parents. She stays with a family member who brings her out to the red light every night to sell flowers. But I've seen a stark contrast in this family as compared to the others who have kids selling in the red light.
Her street mom isn't malicious. She's not mean to the little girl, she's not rude to me. It's obvious that she's trying her best, but doesn't see another way for their family to be making money. So for this family it honestly has been so easy to love them, as we encourage the street mom to not bring the little girl out to sell flowers. It's also obvious that she knows the dangers of this girl being out at night. She never lets her out of her sight. She's the only street mom that is with her kid all the time. Every other kid that I work with wanders the streets on their own.
These people are so blinded by what they're doing... but this woman is trying SO hard to love this little girl the best that she knows how.
Last night our english lesson turned into playing games for awhile. After we had been sitting for some time, a man approached. It's not uncommon for some of the foreigners that are walking by to stop and see what we're doing. Some watch for a moment before moving on, some ask what we're doing. But last night was a first. This older man stopped and began loudly ranting how he had been in the red light several nights in the past week and had seen this mother and daughter selling flowers. He then began pointedly yelling at me about how I was encouraging trafficking, asking what was wrong with me and how could I let her mother continue to let her do this. He told me that if I wanted to fix the problem, I should be telling her mother what a horrible person she was, and that she shouldn't be letting her daughter do this.
Instantly I was infuriated. Angered to the point of shaking and felt I couldn't see straight. I wanted to react, to yell back.... But I instead calmly looked up and said, "Sir. I'm aware of the problem here, and I am going to politely ask you to leave now."
He wasn't amused by this response at all. It only triggered him to become more irate as he yelled at me, and began yelling at the little girls street mom, "Bad mom! You're a horrible person, bad mom!"
I wanted to react. So badly. I wanted to tell him if it was as easy as telling her mom to stop - then this wouldn't be happening anymore! I wanted ask him what HE was doing in the red light district. But I kept my mouth shut. As the man walked away shouting at the little girls mom throwing obscene gestures into the air, I scrambled to collect my thoughts. I couldn't think straight in english, let alone Thai... All I could get out was to say sorry to the girls mother. To apologize profusely and for her to know that we loved her. I can see where this man would be coming from - but clearly he doesn't understand the implications of forced labor trafficking if he thinks this problem would have such an easy solution.
Shortly after we left. I couldn't handle being there any longer. My hands were still shaking, my mind was still reeling, and I was so angry I felt like I could explode.
I went home and a few of the people from the team staying at my house were sitting in the living room. I went up to my room to collect my thoughts for a few minutes, and then went back down and asked them to pray with me. I knew that if I just sat and stewed in what I was feeling, I was going to allow a bitter root to grow. I wouldn't be able to see the foreigners walking through the red light without being angry.
I began to pray that this man would begin to see Truth. That he would be brought to a place of repentance. The more that I prayed for him, my heart calmed, my mind calmed, and I honestly felt sorry for this man. I began to be grateful that if he was going to react - that I was able to be there to tell my kids and the street mom that we loved them in the aftermath of the the mans outburst. My heart sincerely changed for him. I learned a HUGE lesson last night.
I began to realize the importance of Romans 12:14 "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse"
There's a very good reason he asks us to do that. And it's for OUR benefit. When people attack us, it's for our benefit to bless them. To forgive them. To not hold a grudge against them. Because when I go out next week I'm going to be able to focus completely on each of my kids as I work with them. I won't be brought back to the moment we had last night, hoping it won't happen again.
And honestly - that man is quite lucky that I was working with that little girl when he decided to have his little outburst. Because if I had been working with my boys... It may not have ended so well. Get together a few preteens with anger issues who are protective of you.... I think that situation ended as well as it possibly could have.
Hard lesson to learn - but worth learning.
Her street mom isn't malicious. She's not mean to the little girl, she's not rude to me. It's obvious that she's trying her best, but doesn't see another way for their family to be making money. So for this family it honestly has been so easy to love them, as we encourage the street mom to not bring the little girl out to sell flowers. It's also obvious that she knows the dangers of this girl being out at night. She never lets her out of her sight. She's the only street mom that is with her kid all the time. Every other kid that I work with wanders the streets on their own.
These people are so blinded by what they're doing... but this woman is trying SO hard to love this little girl the best that she knows how.
Last night our english lesson turned into playing games for awhile. After we had been sitting for some time, a man approached. It's not uncommon for some of the foreigners that are walking by to stop and see what we're doing. Some watch for a moment before moving on, some ask what we're doing. But last night was a first. This older man stopped and began loudly ranting how he had been in the red light several nights in the past week and had seen this mother and daughter selling flowers. He then began pointedly yelling at me about how I was encouraging trafficking, asking what was wrong with me and how could I let her mother continue to let her do this. He told me that if I wanted to fix the problem, I should be telling her mother what a horrible person she was, and that she shouldn't be letting her daughter do this.
Instantly I was infuriated. Angered to the point of shaking and felt I couldn't see straight. I wanted to react, to yell back.... But I instead calmly looked up and said, "Sir. I'm aware of the problem here, and I am going to politely ask you to leave now."
He wasn't amused by this response at all. It only triggered him to become more irate as he yelled at me, and began yelling at the little girls street mom, "Bad mom! You're a horrible person, bad mom!"
I wanted to react. So badly. I wanted to tell him if it was as easy as telling her mom to stop - then this wouldn't be happening anymore! I wanted ask him what HE was doing in the red light district. But I kept my mouth shut. As the man walked away shouting at the little girls mom throwing obscene gestures into the air, I scrambled to collect my thoughts. I couldn't think straight in english, let alone Thai... All I could get out was to say sorry to the girls mother. To apologize profusely and for her to know that we loved her. I can see where this man would be coming from - but clearly he doesn't understand the implications of forced labor trafficking if he thinks this problem would have such an easy solution.
Shortly after we left. I couldn't handle being there any longer. My hands were still shaking, my mind was still reeling, and I was so angry I felt like I could explode.
I went home and a few of the people from the team staying at my house were sitting in the living room. I went up to my room to collect my thoughts for a few minutes, and then went back down and asked them to pray with me. I knew that if I just sat and stewed in what I was feeling, I was going to allow a bitter root to grow. I wouldn't be able to see the foreigners walking through the red light without being angry.
I began to pray that this man would begin to see Truth. That he would be brought to a place of repentance. The more that I prayed for him, my heart calmed, my mind calmed, and I honestly felt sorry for this man. I began to be grateful that if he was going to react - that I was able to be there to tell my kids and the street mom that we loved them in the aftermath of the the mans outburst. My heart sincerely changed for him. I learned a HUGE lesson last night.
I began to realize the importance of Romans 12:14 "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse"
There's a very good reason he asks us to do that. And it's for OUR benefit. When people attack us, it's for our benefit to bless them. To forgive them. To not hold a grudge against them. Because when I go out next week I'm going to be able to focus completely on each of my kids as I work with them. I won't be brought back to the moment we had last night, hoping it won't happen again.
And honestly - that man is quite lucky that I was working with that little girl when he decided to have his little outburst. Because if I had been working with my boys... It may not have ended so well. Get together a few preteens with anger issues who are protective of you.... I think that situation ended as well as it possibly could have.
Hard lesson to learn - but worth learning.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
"I'm enough for them too."
Do you know how long I’ve been staring at a blank page on my computer screen?
Friday, February 15, 2013
Reflections of an Introverted Extrovert
I'm what I like to consider and introverted extrovert.
I love being around people. I love talking with people, learning their stories, sharing stories. I have no problem speaking in front of big groups of people, although I'm not one to claim the spotlight if I don't have to. If I had to choose I would definitely prefer getting to know people in a small group setting. Two or three at a time, as compared to a room full of people that I don't know and have to socialize with. That's a nightmare to me.
On the other hand, I need time to myself. I need moments in my day on my own. If I'm really busy for extended periods of time I need a moment to process and unwind in a quiet place.
Introverted extrovert.
Well the past couple of weeks have been wildly busy. A lot has taken place that made me stop and take a couple of days off. Time to process, think, and rest. I just needed some time.
And here is the result of my introverted 48 hours.
A couple of weeks ago I was out with the kids in the red light, and we were playing - as we do. We sat in front of a shop that was closed, just on the sidewalk out front. We had been meeting there four or five times a week for three months. That day I had several kids along with their parents. We were playing games, and laughing. It was around 10pm and someone made a joke, or did something that made everyone laugh really loud. The shop next door was open until 10:30 and the shop owner came out and asked us to be quiet, because people were sleeping upstairs. We said ok, but more kids and more people kept coming. By 10:15 the shop owner came back out and told us we couldn't come back.
After three months with no complaints, we had been kicked out of our meeting spot.
This left me in a bit of a pickle... I had all of these kids that I had finally connected with and no place to meet with them.
For the past several weeks I've been trying to figure out what to do about this. Last week I just met the kids around the bars, and I would take them across the street for dinner, and then they would usually ask if we could go over to the bars and play pool.
This is where the ministry I'm in is much different than it would ever be at home. I got to know these kids by sitting on the street with snacks and games. As they walked by I would say, "Dek dek, Sawat di Kha! Ow, mai kha?" As I held up some candy. Translation: "Hi kids, want some candy!"
At home that's what we would call a creeper.
Two weeks ago I was talking with a friend and said, "The other day when I was playing pool with the kids at the bar..." Once again. At home, considered a creeper statement.
Double creeper.
But here - it's normal. It's ok. It's the way I'm reaching out to these kids.
But my heart is to see these kids OUT of that environment. I don't want the 8 and 11 year old kids I'm working with to grow up in the bars anymore. They shouldn't have to be growing up in this dark environment. As I began to figure out what I needed to do I've been wondering if I would be best serving the kids if I tried to find a spot to work with them, or connect them with a ministry that already exists.
As I began to research I found that in a city with literally hundreds of people living and reaching out to people in trafficking there is not one place for kids to go and be taken care of after 8pm.
Not one place for kids who don't need to be in forced labor to go during the hours when they are forced to be working. No where.
So for today I'm going to ask that you all pray with me. Pray with me to figure out what needs to be done. And if you feel like God is telling you something message me on Facebook. Email me at kristenwilkes.design@gmail.com If you feel like God is telling you something - act on it, don't sit with it. As my good friend Emmi, who started Lighthouse in Action, always says: "Vision Without Action in a Dead Dream".
Furthermore in my time of processing I've come to realize something. I can't save everyone. So much of me feels like if God tells me that I've learned what I need to for my next season, and it's time to go home that I will leave here having failed. Failed because I didn't save people.
I don't really know how to end this blog, because I still feel like I'm processing, but all I know is that if I stay here I need help. Practically, this isn't something I can do by myself. So... if it's supposed to happen it will happen I guess.
I love being around people. I love talking with people, learning their stories, sharing stories. I have no problem speaking in front of big groups of people, although I'm not one to claim the spotlight if I don't have to. If I had to choose I would definitely prefer getting to know people in a small group setting. Two or three at a time, as compared to a room full of people that I don't know and have to socialize with. That's a nightmare to me.
On the other hand, I need time to myself. I need moments in my day on my own. If I'm really busy for extended periods of time I need a moment to process and unwind in a quiet place.
Introverted extrovert.
Well the past couple of weeks have been wildly busy. A lot has taken place that made me stop and take a couple of days off. Time to process, think, and rest. I just needed some time.
And here is the result of my introverted 48 hours.
A couple of weeks ago I was out with the kids in the red light, and we were playing - as we do. We sat in front of a shop that was closed, just on the sidewalk out front. We had been meeting there four or five times a week for three months. That day I had several kids along with their parents. We were playing games, and laughing. It was around 10pm and someone made a joke, or did something that made everyone laugh really loud. The shop next door was open until 10:30 and the shop owner came out and asked us to be quiet, because people were sleeping upstairs. We said ok, but more kids and more people kept coming. By 10:15 the shop owner came back out and told us we couldn't come back.
After three months with no complaints, we had been kicked out of our meeting spot.
This left me in a bit of a pickle... I had all of these kids that I had finally connected with and no place to meet with them.
For the past several weeks I've been trying to figure out what to do about this. Last week I just met the kids around the bars, and I would take them across the street for dinner, and then they would usually ask if we could go over to the bars and play pool.
This is where the ministry I'm in is much different than it would ever be at home. I got to know these kids by sitting on the street with snacks and games. As they walked by I would say, "Dek dek, Sawat di Kha! Ow, mai kha?" As I held up some candy. Translation: "Hi kids, want some candy!"
At home that's what we would call a creeper.
Two weeks ago I was talking with a friend and said, "The other day when I was playing pool with the kids at the bar..." Once again. At home, considered a creeper statement.
Double creeper.
But here - it's normal. It's ok. It's the way I'm reaching out to these kids.
But my heart is to see these kids OUT of that environment. I don't want the 8 and 11 year old kids I'm working with to grow up in the bars anymore. They shouldn't have to be growing up in this dark environment. As I began to figure out what I needed to do I've been wondering if I would be best serving the kids if I tried to find a spot to work with them, or connect them with a ministry that already exists.
As I began to research I found that in a city with literally hundreds of people living and reaching out to people in trafficking there is not one place for kids to go and be taken care of after 8pm.
Not one place for kids who don't need to be in forced labor to go during the hours when they are forced to be working. No where.
So for today I'm going to ask that you all pray with me. Pray with me to figure out what needs to be done. And if you feel like God is telling you something message me on Facebook. Email me at kristenwilkes.design@gmail.com If you feel like God is telling you something - act on it, don't sit with it. As my good friend Emmi, who started Lighthouse in Action, always says: "Vision Without Action in a Dead Dream".
Furthermore in my time of processing I've come to realize something. I can't save everyone. So much of me feels like if God tells me that I've learned what I need to for my next season, and it's time to go home that I will leave here having failed. Failed because I didn't save people.
I don't really know how to end this blog, because I still feel like I'm processing, but all I know is that if I stay here I need help. Practically, this isn't something I can do by myself. So... if it's supposed to happen it will happen I guess.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
To Dream. To Aspire. To Be.
Through my busy schedule I have continued working with the kids in the red light. The past couple of weeks I have seen a shift in my time with the kids. Two months ago I wrote a blog called Where's Waldo: Thai Style and I talked about how working with the kids was like a giant game of Where's Waldo to me. Most nights I ended up searching around the city for the kids not knowing which bar, restaurant, or street they were going to be on when I found them.
In the past two or three weeks that has changed. Instead of searching high and low all through the city for my kids, when I tell them I am coming out - they're waiting for me. If they can't find me, they know who my friends are and they will wait around with them and ask where I am, and when I'm coming.
Last week I was sitting with four of my kids playing games and one of my boys ran up. He insisted that I follow him, and said that he had to show me something. He took my hand and went running down the street. We got about a block down and I saw three people from a team working with Lighthouse. My kid stopped, and told me he wanted me to meet his friends. He had told them to follow him because he wanted them to meet me. Turns out I already knew who his new friends were :)
That night I hung out with 3 of the boys for several hours. We played pool, I bought them dinner, and was able to spend some time with their moms as well. When it was time for me to go, two of the boys told me that they wanted Muay Thai Boxing shorts. They are 11 and 12 years old, and love watching the Muay Thai fights in the boxing ring in the center of the red light district. "Me, him Muay Thai Champions" one of the boys told me with a huge grin on his face. I told the boys maybe, and went home.
I was praying about it on my way home, not knowing if I should buy the shorts for the kids. Knowing that if I bought the two older boys shorts, I would have to buy some for the youngest as well - I knew I would be spending a fair amount of money on this. My ministry expenses have gone up quite a bit in the last month since the kids have begun to trust me more. I've been buying them dinners every night, and some nights their moms ask for dinner as well. They've also been bringing friends some nights. Some nights I end up buying dinner for 7 or 8 people. Wanting to be wise about how much I was spending I battled if buying them something they didn't need was right or not.
As I prayed I just felt like God was saying, "Let them Dream."
I thought more about that, processed it, prayed about it more.
These kids have grown up in darkness. They've been working jobs since they were 5 years old. When I was their ages, 8, 11, 12 years old I had all kinds of dreams about what I wanted to do. i wanted to be a writer, a teacher, a professional soccer player. I would dream about what I wanted to become in my life. These kids don't dream. They grew up before they got to dream.
Many of them come from the hill tribes. They don't have Thai citizenship, and aren't able to get good jobs in the city. not only have these kids had to grow up before they got to be kids, but they have very limited options. But a viable option - being a Muay Thai boxer.
If this was something that they really wanted, they could do it.
I decided to buy the shorts for the boys and brought them last week. A Thai friend of mine comes out with me sometimes, and hangs out with the kids and translates for me. She helped me to tell the kids that they can't lose their shorts because I'm not buying them more. But I bought them the Muay Thai boxing shorts because if this is something that they want to do, I want them to do it. I told them to practice, and that when they are in a Muay Thai fight, I would come watch them.
The kids smiled, thanked me, and compared their gifts.
In the past two or three weeks that has changed. Instead of searching high and low all through the city for my kids, when I tell them I am coming out - they're waiting for me. If they can't find me, they know who my friends are and they will wait around with them and ask where I am, and when I'm coming.
Last week I was sitting with four of my kids playing games and one of my boys ran up. He insisted that I follow him, and said that he had to show me something. He took my hand and went running down the street. We got about a block down and I saw three people from a team working with Lighthouse. My kid stopped, and told me he wanted me to meet his friends. He had told them to follow him because he wanted them to meet me. Turns out I already knew who his new friends were :)
That night I hung out with 3 of the boys for several hours. We played pool, I bought them dinner, and was able to spend some time with their moms as well. When it was time for me to go, two of the boys told me that they wanted Muay Thai Boxing shorts. They are 11 and 12 years old, and love watching the Muay Thai fights in the boxing ring in the center of the red light district. "Me, him Muay Thai Champions" one of the boys told me with a huge grin on his face. I told the boys maybe, and went home.
I was praying about it on my way home, not knowing if I should buy the shorts for the kids. Knowing that if I bought the two older boys shorts, I would have to buy some for the youngest as well - I knew I would be spending a fair amount of money on this. My ministry expenses have gone up quite a bit in the last month since the kids have begun to trust me more. I've been buying them dinners every night, and some nights their moms ask for dinner as well. They've also been bringing friends some nights. Some nights I end up buying dinner for 7 or 8 people. Wanting to be wise about how much I was spending I battled if buying them something they didn't need was right or not.
As I prayed I just felt like God was saying, "Let them Dream."
I thought more about that, processed it, prayed about it more.
These kids have grown up in darkness. They've been working jobs since they were 5 years old. When I was their ages, 8, 11, 12 years old I had all kinds of dreams about what I wanted to do. i wanted to be a writer, a teacher, a professional soccer player. I would dream about what I wanted to become in my life. These kids don't dream. They grew up before they got to dream.
Many of them come from the hill tribes. They don't have Thai citizenship, and aren't able to get good jobs in the city. not only have these kids had to grow up before they got to be kids, but they have very limited options. But a viable option - being a Muay Thai boxer.
If this was something that they really wanted, they could do it.
I decided to buy the shorts for the boys and brought them last week. A Thai friend of mine comes out with me sometimes, and hangs out with the kids and translates for me. She helped me to tell the kids that they can't lose their shorts because I'm not buying them more. But I bought them the Muay Thai boxing shorts because if this is something that they want to do, I want them to do it. I told them to practice, and that when they are in a Muay Thai fight, I would come watch them.
The kids smiled, thanked me, and compared their gifts.
Let them dream.
Who knows, in a few years maybe I will be back in Thailand watching them win a Muay Thai fight. I can't wait to cheer them on! They know I don't like watching Muay Thai - it stresses me out... but I would watch it if they were fighting.
Until then, I'll cheer them on as they work towards their dream.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Ruined for the Ordinary
This past month has been so busy. I have been going out with the kids 4 or 5 nights a week, doing orientation for every new team that has come in - and there have been 10 teams here this past month. I have been teaching graphic design some afternoons, english some afternoons, and showing teams around. This along with ministry meetings, Thai lessons, and finding time for getting things done around the house and paying bills. Not a lot of free time.
But what I've noticed in the past month is that I've finally gotten over my culture shock. For the first several months, although I really enjoyed each individual thing I was doing I had a hard time wanting to stay in Thailand. I found myself not wanting to learn the language, and feeling defeated in a lot of what I was doing.
About three weeks ago I had gone to a small diner close to my house to get lunch. It's one of the few places around that I've found I can get a genuine meal that tastes like it's from home. I was sitting at a stop light on the way home with my chicken salad sandwich and I said out loud to myself, "I just want an ordinary life!" As I said this I just wanted to be at home. I wanted to go out to lunch with my best friend and eat a chicken greek salad. I wanted to serve coffee. I wanted to be in my comfort zone.
I knew that if I went home I wouldn't miss the mosquitos, getting cut off while driving down the road, the fleas, the lice, the karaoke. I would be excited about having a kitchen that didn't open up to the outdoors, about being able to flush toilet paper down the toilet. I would love being able to speak the same language as everyone and communicate what I wanted, when I wanted.
And then I heard so clearly in my mind, "You're ruined for the ordinary."
As I began to think, I realized that it didn't matter if I had good plumbing, an indoor kitchen, and no fleas. I wouldn't care about the amount of mosquitos, or what language people were speaking. I've spent months working with kids who have been forced to make money for their families. I've seen the faces of amazing woman who don't realize their worth. I've spent time with people who are sometimes not provided with even the simplest needs.
I couldn't go back to ordinary now. If I went back to ordinary - my heart would be hurting for those I could be helping.
Ordinary in my world is Michigan. Ordinary in my world is having a job and being independent. Providing for yourself and socializing with those around you. My ordinary was spending evenings with friends, and holidays with my family. My ordinary was being comfortable and surrounded by everyone that I loved. My ordinary was not having to think outside the box, but be conformed by... Ordinary.
I couldn't do that anymore. I had experienced Jesus. He was to real. I had seen Him work miracles - I knew His power. I had become friends with the least of these - who really turned out to be far more than those we would be considered 'above the least'.
My life was ruined. So I had to stay. As soon as that sank in - no more culture shock.
I'm ruined for the ordinary forever. Although this season is calling me to be here - there may be another season that calls me back to my ordinary. If that happens know that just because I'm back in my ordinary, doesn't mean I'll be conformed by it anymore. Now that I'm ruined, I may have to color outside the lines :)
But what I've noticed in the past month is that I've finally gotten over my culture shock. For the first several months, although I really enjoyed each individual thing I was doing I had a hard time wanting to stay in Thailand. I found myself not wanting to learn the language, and feeling defeated in a lot of what I was doing.
About three weeks ago I had gone to a small diner close to my house to get lunch. It's one of the few places around that I've found I can get a genuine meal that tastes like it's from home. I was sitting at a stop light on the way home with my chicken salad sandwich and I said out loud to myself, "I just want an ordinary life!" As I said this I just wanted to be at home. I wanted to go out to lunch with my best friend and eat a chicken greek salad. I wanted to serve coffee. I wanted to be in my comfort zone.
I knew that if I went home I wouldn't miss the mosquitos, getting cut off while driving down the road, the fleas, the lice, the karaoke. I would be excited about having a kitchen that didn't open up to the outdoors, about being able to flush toilet paper down the toilet. I would love being able to speak the same language as everyone and communicate what I wanted, when I wanted.
And then I heard so clearly in my mind, "You're ruined for the ordinary."
As I began to think, I realized that it didn't matter if I had good plumbing, an indoor kitchen, and no fleas. I wouldn't care about the amount of mosquitos, or what language people were speaking. I've spent months working with kids who have been forced to make money for their families. I've seen the faces of amazing woman who don't realize their worth. I've spent time with people who are sometimes not provided with even the simplest needs.
I couldn't go back to ordinary now. If I went back to ordinary - my heart would be hurting for those I could be helping.
Ordinary in my world is Michigan. Ordinary in my world is having a job and being independent. Providing for yourself and socializing with those around you. My ordinary was spending evenings with friends, and holidays with my family. My ordinary was being comfortable and surrounded by everyone that I loved. My ordinary was not having to think outside the box, but be conformed by... Ordinary.
I couldn't do that anymore. I had experienced Jesus. He was to real. I had seen Him work miracles - I knew His power. I had become friends with the least of these - who really turned out to be far more than those we would be considered 'above the least'.
My life was ruined. So I had to stay. As soon as that sank in - no more culture shock.
I'm ruined for the ordinary forever. Although this season is calling me to be here - there may be another season that calls me back to my ordinary. If that happens know that just because I'm back in my ordinary, doesn't mean I'll be conformed by it anymore. Now that I'm ruined, I may have to color outside the lines :)
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