*Blank Stare* Seriously? *Sigh*

*Blank Stare*
A blank stare can mean a lot of things really.  

Surprise.
Shock.
Frustration.
Unbelief.

“Seriously?” 

This phrase can have a lot of translations.

“I can’t believe this is happening!”
“Are you kidding? Or no?...”
“This is so great!”
“I’m to frustrated to say what I want to say.”

*Sigh*

A sigh can be a result of many things.

Relief
Annoyance
Being overwhelmed
Revelation
Defeat

This week I feel like has been a week of: *Blank Stare*  “Seriously?”  *Sigh*

Like when I realized that I got to see a friend from high school,  and a friend that I lived in New Zealand with in the same week in Thailand.

*Blank Stare*  “Seriously?”  *Sigh* Translation:  *Surprise*  “This is so great!” *Revelation*

Or when I realized that a stranger at the bus station helped me get home on time after missing my bus by talking with the bus company in Thai and telling them I was given wrong information (when really my taxi took me to the wrong bus station and got there 5 minutes after my bus left) and I was given a ticket back home with no hassle.

*Blank Stare*  “Seriously?”  *Sigh*  Translation: *Shock*  “Are you kidding? Or no?...”  *Relief*

Or when I got home after an overnight 10 hour bus ride to discover that I was covered literally head to toe in flea bites.  I stopped counting at 100.

*Blank Stare*  “Seriously?”  *Sigh*  Translation  *Frustration* “I can’t believe this is happening.” *Annoyance*

Or when I go to make dinner and there’s no gas in the stove and it’s 10pm.  

*Blank Stare*  “Seriously?”  *Sigh* Translation:  *Unbelief* “You have got to be kidding.” *Defeat*

Or the next morning when we were trying to fix the broken toilet and realized that our water, internet, and electricity bills haven’t been paid and the internet, and water are shut off on a Sunday afternoon.  

*Blank Stare*  “Seriously?”  *Sigh*  Translation: *Unbelief*  “I’m to frustrated to say what I want to say.”
*Overwhelmed*

Sometimes as a missionary (which... I really don’t like that word by the way.  I’m just living life in Thailand...) I feel like I’m supposed to have everything together all the time.  Like I can’t do anything wrong or I’m going to fail.  Like when something goes awry in my life that I need to have the answers and get it fixed with a smile on my face the whole time and be happy.

But this week has been a week of: *Blank Stare*  “Seriously?”  *Sigh*

My day off consisted of replacing the empty gas tank, paying in the internet bill, warning the other 11 people that live in my house that we can’t use the bathroom upstairs as we realize that we have no water.... And grocery shopping.

This afternoon I came back home ready to break down.  I am still a very human, human.  I’m going to be honest.  Today has been a very frustrating day.  I’ve wanted to yell, but I’ve held my tongue.  I’ve wanted to cry, and I have a little.  I’ve wanted to pack up my bags, and come back home because I’m totally overwhelmed with teaching photography, doing graphic design, orientation for teams, working with slum kids, teaching english, learning Thai, and taking care of my street kids who have it way worse than I do and smile at me, and laugh with me everyday.

So instead, I’m going to pick up my guitar and worship.  I’m going to pray - knowing that God called me here for a reason.  And I’m going to trust that I will figure this out and move forward.

And that I can get through tomorrow with no:

*Blank Stare*  “Seriously?”  *Sigh*