"I'm enough for them too."

Do you know how long I’ve been staring at a blank page on my computer screen?

Awhile.

So I’m just going to start writing, and we’ll see where this goes.

I left home 121 days ago.  That’s almost exactly 4 months in case you didn’t want to do the math.

I quit my job, sold everything that I owned, and got on a plane with a one way ticket to come to Thailand.  I did that because God asked me to come.  When He said, “Go‘  I didn’t know how long I was going to be here for.  Quite frankly I had no idea what I was going to be doing.  I didn’t know who I would be working with, I didn’t know the language, the ONLY thing I was certain of was that He said, “Go to Thailand‘.

And if you remember from an earlier blog post ‘I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane... Seriously. I don’t know when I’ll be back again...’ I talked about how when I walked through the doors at the airport God spoke SO clearly to my heart when He said, “I’m enough.”  So I was certain of that as well.  I guess those are two things I was certain of. He said, “Go to Thailand” and, “I’m enough”.

I’ve held on to those two things in the past four months.  I’ve thought about them almost daily.  The days when I couldn’t communicate, I missed home, I couldn’t find my kids and didn’t know what I was doing here I remembered “Go to Thailand”.  And then days my kids told me how they got burns on their faces, that they hadn’t eaten, when teams left that I became friends with and I felt like I was working alone I remembered “I’m enough”.

Back in December I spent a lot of time processing what my time here was supposed to look like. I became certain that this was a learning season for me.  A season to learn how to interact with kids in trafficking. What do I need to do to show them that they can trust me? How do I reach out to them, as well as their families?  How does trafficking even work in Northern Thailand? Was it the same here as other places in the world? (it’s not...) What are the important things to know about the language?  (‘Where is the bus station?’ was not nearly as important as, ‘Where are your shoes?’ ) What do I need to know about surrounding organizations who work with kids in the same situations? (so I can partner with them and plug the kids in) I could go on... The more that I prayed into this I realized that God was saying, “When you’ve learned these things you’re free to go.”  I also felt like he was saying that long term I would be based in the US and I would make long term contacts I would work with on a short term basis.  He wanted me living in a place that brought me joy - so that I was able to operate out of that joy and pour into people.

So even though some days - ok. A lot of days... I wasn’t great at choosing my attitude when circumstances were hard,  I continued to walk in obedience and was determined to learn.

In the past three weeks I’ve felt a huge transition with the ministry.  When I lost the spot I had to meet with the kids I wondered, “Am I supposed to find a place to meet outside of the red light, or do I transition them into a different organization?”  When money wasn’t coming in as steadily to support myself and the kids I thought, “Does this mean I’m done, or does this mean, continue to walk in faith?”  When the teams were leaving and I wasn’t going to have the flexibility of having someone to come out with me every night I wanted to hang out with the kids I thought, “Do I limit my time with them now, or will more people show up?” Once again, I could go on.

It was just a time of transition. Last week I took three days off to rest, pray, and figure out what I was supposed to do.

Shortly after just being quiet... I felt like I wasn’t supposed to start  something new for the kids yet because I didn’t have a team to work with, so I started researching organizations in the area who worked in trafficking prevention for kids.  I found one specifically that works with boys - and knew it would be a perfect fit for my boys.  When I inquired what I should do to get them connected, I found out that all of my boys had showed up there randomly earlier in the week and were already plugged in.

Awesome.

So I waited and listened more, and once again God said, “I’m enough”.  I immediately thought that meant He was enough for me to stay here and right away He said, “No.  I’m enough for the kids too.  Go home.”

Wait. 

What?

The more I sat and listening, prayed, spent time in the Word over those three days He showed me over and over, “You’re season of learning is done.  Go.”

So I talked with some people from home,  I talked with Emmi who runs the ministry here and I am taking a step of faith again and coming home.

I’m not giving up.  I’m not running away from anything.  I’m not running to anything.  My heart is in a GOOD place.  I’m just being obedient again.

Honestly.  It DOES bring me joy to think that I’m going home.  It also makes my heart sad to think that I won’t get to hang out with the kids here.  But God didn’t just give me direction this past week, He also encouraged me and reminded me that the kids I’m pouring into here are no MORE and no LESS important than any person I will come in contact with at home. I need to love them all the same.

So I know that Northern Thailand is one of those places I will be connected with long term to come back to on a short term basis.  I will pour into these kids every chance I have to be in this place.  I am not abandoning them, or leaving them... I’m saying, “See you later!” and trusting God when He told me, “I’m enough for them too.”