Heartbreak and Hope

This week has been an enlightening week with the kids. When I say enlightening, I don’t mean easy.  Early in the week I went out to work with them, as I normally do.  It was the night before my good friend Bethsaida was heading back home to the US. She had spent the last year working with the kids as well so she came out to say her goodbyes before going home. Her and I both have names that are difficult for the kids to pronounce, to make it easier for them we just gave ourselves Thai names.  In Thai culture as a sign of respect, if you’re talking to someone older than you, you say ‘P’ before their name.  So the kids call Bethsaida P’Yim (Yim means smile) and they call me P’Joy. 

A girl came up whom I hadn’t met before, and she had no interest in sitting with me. “P’Yim... She here?” She asked me.
“Chay kha” (Yes) and I motioned down the street.  As she headed down the street, the mom who was there told me it was one of the kids sisters and I didn’t see her again the rest of the night.

After working with the kids a group of my friends got together and headed out to a favorite karaoke spot at a Mexican restaurant in the city.  In celebration of Bethsaida’s last night we were going to sing the night away.  A group of 8 of us met up at Loco Elvis (Yes. The Mexican restaurant in Thailand with karaoke is called Loco Elvis.  Doesn’t that automatically make it awesome?) We took karaoke by storm complete with backup dancers, and laughed through the night.  

The girls belting out Spice Girls 'Wannabe'

Bethsaida singing a Motown hit with her backup dancers aka myself, Lindsey, and Briggs.

A little after midnight we saw one of our kids come up to the table next us to sell flowers.  When the couple insisted they didn’t want flowers, our kid pulled condoms out of his pocket and tried to sell those instead.  

It was instant heart break seeing this little kid, whom I’ve grown to love, be out at such a late hour selling condoms to strangers.  He saw us after leaving that table and came and sat with us talking with Bethsaida before he left.  She looked at me as he walked away and said he told her the cat had stolen his shoe laces, and his sweatshirt was to big to wear - so despite Project:Christmas Warmth this little guy was still cold on the streets.  It was his sister who had come by me earlier as well.  She had found Bethsaida and asked if we would get her some long sleeve shirts and shoes.  It was fun being out with friends - but that encounter had, had an impact far deeper than laughing and singing with friends was going to fill in that moment.

The next day Bethsaida left for the US.  That was a goodbye that I really, really did not like.  I’m so grateful for the insight she gave me in working with the kids.  We’ve had a lot of fun the last few months laughing, eating awesome food, and laughing more. Watching her interact with the kids has been inspiring.  Seeing the depth of her heart and steadfast display of Jesus’ love for them.  Knowing that she came into working with these kids by herself, not knowing the language but just being committed... That gave me the confidence to keep going.  Being able to see how much each of the kids loves her.  Really, really loves her. For the first several weeks I was here, if Bethsaida wasn’t out with me - they had no interest in staying.  I’m so thankful that she was willing to go out with me and introduce me to the kids so that now that she’s gone I can continue the work that she was doing because of the awesome groundwork she laid.  

It makes my heart happy to know that my friend is following God and in a place that she really loves right now, and I am holding tightly to the fact that really it’s not about Bethsaida being here, or me being here... It’s about the kids experiencing God.  Bethsaida fulfilled the time God called her here to do that, and brought me in to continue it. Last night I realized that it’s going to be ok.  I miss my friend, but I can do this.   
Lately three of the four of us that live in my house have had trouble sleeping at night.  We don’t fall asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning a lot of the time.  So last night we figured if we can’t sleep - might as well dance.  While we were out dancing we saw one kid I work with in the slums who was selling flowers. I had never seen him out selling before, but he spent time with my friends and I.  My friend bought him dinner, and I was able to tell him that if he was selling flowers on Tuesday I would be there and we could study english, and read if he wanted.  That was a pretty big step for me - because I was able to explain that all in Thai without anyone translating for me.  He smiled and nodded that he understood.

An hour later I looked up to see the boy who had been in Loco Elvis with us.  Earlier last night I had found him and was able to give him the gift for his sister - a sweatshirt, shoes, tshirt, and backpack - and I was also able to get him a sweatshirt that fit, and shoelaces so he could wear his shoes.

Shortly after I saw his sister walk up in her sweatshirt.  
She got a huge grin on her face and said,
“You P’Joy right?”  I nodded my head and smiled. “P’Yim tell you?” She asked pointing at her new sweatshirt that she was wearing.  
“Chay (yes) kha” I answered “Chop may kha?” (Do you like it?)
“Chop (I like it)” she answered back smiling.  “You tell P’Yim thank you,” I assured her I would.
“Gin leaw may kha?” (Did you eat already?) She shook her head no.
“Ow gin may kha?” (Do you want food?) She smiled and nodded yes.

We got in line to get sandwiches and she asked if I would get one for her brother as well.  After she got their food she smiled and waved as she walked off.  On the way back to our bike my friend and I saw the kids eating their dinner.  The little boy walked up and said thank you for his sandwich and gave me a hug and then went back and sat down.  As much as my heart breaks each time I see them out - each one of those kids are worth it.  

Some days feel hopeless - like when you see a 9 year old kid selling condoms to strangers on the street.  It feels like there’s nothing you can do.  And some days there’s a realization that everything is going to be ok, because I’m not supposed to fix this entire problem myself.  I just need to display the love of Jesus.  And if I can do that by making sure these kids have warm clothes, making sure they eat dinner, and have a safe place to sit and play a few nights a week... It’s not hopeless.  

A huge thank you to Bethsaida for standing up for these kids when she saw the need.  For displaying the love of Jesus, and proving to each of these kids that there are people who love them and can be trusted.  For being Jesus in the lives of these kids even when it seemed hard, or hopeless. And for connecting me with them and being my friend before she going home. 

These kids are going to understand their worth, and that they are loved.  Jesus is always faithful to reveal Himself - and I’m willing to be the next in line to display his love for them in the red light.